March 8, 2010

For ALL of you who have had an opinion on my driving over the years...

I have concluded that I am not necessarily a bad driver ALL the time, it is just when I have someone in the passenger seat comparing my driving choices to the generalized Rules of the Road handbook. Didn't you all read the small print inside the back cover of that book anyway? It says "may be subject to change." Mine was written in blue ink...bubbly printing...a little smear over the "ge" in the word "change."

Anyway...a good example of a rule that is subject to change is "Always stop before the white stop line when approaching a red light." Now the "subject to change" wordin reads:

"Always stop before the white stop line when approaching a red light...unless husband is frantically pointing to turn left right now...then stop wherever your want...even in the intersection if need be...just to get him to STOP YELLING and POINTING!"

March 4, 2010

Hung out with some of my favorite people tonight...a family I have babysat for ten years. They always remind me of some of my greatest "Walk Into Walls" moments of all time.

Working with young adults and children under the age of 18 year round is bound to teach you an immeasurable amount of patience in all situations. Likewise, you also learn that "expect the unexpectable" HAS to be your motto each and every day or you should surrender your badge of authority immediately. On the other hand, there is BOUND to be those moments where being awarded 3 lifelines to tap into for support would be the greatest gift imaginable.

I will never forget the summer that I was at the pool and had finally established my place as a regular amongst all the "Pool Moms," even though I was merely the summer nanny and not the "real thing" like they were. My sweet little social butterfly that I was caring for decided to come and curl up next to me on my lawn chair. Touched by his affection and, in all honesty, feeling a slight sense of pride at his display of approval for his babysitter, I turned the focus of the "Mommy Chat" to him. Expecting a few words of adoration or a loving exchange he looks at me, places one little hand on either side of my thigh and then looks up at our little gathering of women and says, "Kristin, why do your legs jiggle like this?" and proceeds to demonstrate that lovely act of my fleshing jiggling out of control as if it was a little critter of its own. "Go play," is all I could muster up before thinking "Ok God, you humbled me yet again."

The applicable lesson I took with me that day...never let ANYONE sit on my lawnchair again...unless my lower extremidies were appropriately covered with a beach towel :)

March 4, 2010

I had an epiphany today that will officially be entered into my book of Fantabulous Ideas tomorrow so I thought I would just give you all a preview today.

After the 40th time my name was called out in class today my latest brilliant idea burst forth. You see 9 times out of 10, each beckon was followed by a complaint, a command, or a thought that made me just think "really?!" I stopped in the middle of the room and announced that I had officially decided to change my name. I was no longer to be called Mrs. Rickey, Ms. Marchand, Hey, Um, or Can I Getta... Instead my new name is to be "Hey Beautiful." Now every time someone calls out a demand or offers a statement that is questionably acceptable, at least the comment will be preceeded by a compliment :)

I urge you all to create an uplifting title of your own. As with mine, it doesn't have to be true or hold any merit, it just has to help you ride through the complaint on a cloud of content.

March 3, 2010

My question of the day is what exactly qualifies as the official "back to bed" line? In other words, how many things have to go wrong in a day before you can justify crawling back into bed and pulling the covers over your head?

Is it when you think you hit snooze on the alarm and you actually turn it off?

Is it when you run out the door without a minute to spare and spill coffee all down your pants?

Is it when a cop pulls out and follows you for ten minutes the one time you forget to put your seatbelt on?

Is it when they grocery bags break and spill the contents all over the floor as you struggle to carry 60 lbs of groceriers, a purse, and your workbag while you fumble for your keys?

Is it when ten kids are in your room BEFORE the first bell even rings asking you 20 questions you have already answered 20 times?

Is it when you realize you don't have a cold DP ready to give you the ABSOLUTELY necessary burst of caffiene needed for you to be even remotely civil to other human beings?

Is when half the class forgets that part of following a recipe means you have to READ the directions?

Is it when you realize your full-size freezer has been plugged into an outlet that was tripped...OVER A WEEK AGO...and the entire supply of food has to be pitched while the 20th person says to you..."Um, did you know you have a huge puddle of water on the floor here?" "Yes, I see that THANKS!"

Is it when someone hands me a whole stack of make - up work just when I finally finish all my grades to turn in for the end of the quarter?

Or is it when I realize all this crap has happened and IT IS ONLY TEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!...AND THREE MORE DAYS TIL THE WEEKEND

March 2, 2010

Yes, for those of you keeping track, I am posting my March 2nd "Walk Into Walls" a day early. The reasoning behind this wrinkle in tradition is that I am pondering a thought...and will surely still be seeking advice on the same issue tomorrow.

When trying to find the Kelly Blue Book trade-in value of your car...where exactly does the following fall:

Excellent?

Very Good?

Good?

Fair?

Poor?

I currently possess both of my rearview mirrors one is merely glued on, the other is duct taped on. There is some slight rusting on one..two...three...well maybe all car doors. The tires are worn (and one is still filled with grass from where my tires caught the snow the other day and sent me spinning into the median) but still usable. On the up side, the whole front end of my car is new...after I got into a wreck and tore it off. Oh, and on the driver's side above the tire the fiberglass is all new after it crunched when the car crashed into the ground during a tire-changing gone ALL wrong. The inside is fabulous though...except for the center console that rests neatly where it should actually be secured.

So what do you think...good? or very good? (Don't forget the whole new front end!!)

March 1, 2010

I had an educational experience tonight that I thought I would share with you...

My husband was in charge of shower duty tonight while I laid out everyone's clothes for tomorrow. The lofty task of shower duty includes making sure the little ones empty their bladder BEFORE entering the tub, placing their towel on the bathroom sink within reach of their small arms when they have finished, positioning the Q-Tips where they cannot deny seeing them, and running through the CKCL (Clean Kids Check List). Now with this background knowledge I can proceed.

As I am carefully coordinating everyone's clothing for the next day, I hear my attentive hubby running through the list "Did you wash your hair? Arms? Face? Feet?"...and at this very moment my educational experience erupted. As our youngest, a precious little girl of 5, showers, her father hollers into the bathroom, "Did you wash your back butt?"

Apparently I SHOULD have taken the anatomy class in high school that I so slyly avoided. I was under the impression that we had ONE, yes only one, butt. Somehow I slipped through the past 28 years misinformed.

So for all you parents who have shower duty in your current or near future...please don't make the mistake I have..don't forget to ask if they washed their "back butt

February 25, 2010

Today is not about my sense of humor, it's about God's.

When you are about to blow up...step back...and look up.
God has a gift for ironic endings to seemingly endless epics.

Thank you Lord for your provisions